Real Live Women

There's a song by Sugarland that I really like. In it, there's a line about knowing "which hands to shake/which hands to hold". I've shaken a lot of hands in my life. I've been pleased to have met a person, enjoyed the time we've had together, and moved on. No hard feelings, best of luck with your future endeavours.
But I have been lucky enough to cross paths with some extraordinary women. Good women. Clever women. Make you laugh until you cry women. Let you cry until you laugh women. And their hands are the hands that I chose to hold.

Another Sarah. That's what I call her. When I was pregnant with my baby, Sarah, I didn't know anyone else by that name. Once she was born, I met 30 women named Sarah, each needing a nickname. Hence, Another Sarah.

Another Sarah has an ease about her. Being around her is easy. She makes people feel comfortable in their own skin. Especially women. Because people seem to know that she's not judging them. She cares only about the soul within the person. Another Sarah has the great ability to use her humour and her wit to lighten the situation. There is never the concern that she will use her humour to embarrass. Another Sarah thrives when everyone is laughing. When you speak, she looks you in the eye. Because she really is listening. She asks questions, offers supports, makes a joke. After being with her, I feel happy.

I've known Cara for about 10 years now. In my eyes, she's perfect (Cara is screaming her objections at her computer as she reads this!). She's beautiful... blond hair, blue eyes, peaches and cream complexion. She married a beautiful man, and had two beautiful children. You would think that I would hate her, right?! But Cara has a quiet kindness that wraps around you. She cares ... about her family, about her friends, about the world, about all the children in the world. She has opened up her home and her heart to an orphan in the Congo, because her love is not limited by lines on a map, DNA, or skin colour. Her heart only sees her child, in a far away country, and she's fighting to get to her baby.

Cara is wicked smart, and she has the advanced degree to prove it! She finds joy in the world around her.  She raves about how wonderful a father her husband is. She likes cuddling with her children and watching He-Man. When her life gets too hard, and too painful, and too much to bear, she looks for these simple joys. I admire Cara.

Lisa is my Erma Bombeck. She doesn't mean to be. Whatever struggle I am facing, Lisa has already faced the same thing, but it was ten times harder and 100 times funnier. Lisa "gets" me. She can take one look at me and know what I'm feeling and (typically) why. She knows the right words to say, when to say them, and when to say nothing at all.

Lisa doesn't care what the world thinks. She cares about what she thinks. I care about what she thinks, too. Because Lisa is clever. She's insightful. Also, she's wicked funny! Most people don't know that because Lisa is also very quiet. She keeps her thoughts (mostly) to herself which makes me feel privileged when she shares them with me.

Lisa is the strongest woman I know. She holds on tight to her husband and her children. Life sends massive "waves" to knock her down, and silent "drips" to erode her self-confidence. And my friend stands tall. She is the breaking wall between Life and her family. She wishes she were some pampered duchess in a time long ago. Instead she is a pillar of strength. She is the force that keeps everyone going. Safe. Together. I adore Lisa, and I am so proud to call her my friend.

Melissa would have made this list, too. I think about Melissa every single day. Her death has had ripple effects throughout my life. But it's still too soon to lay my heart out for the world to see. It is, however, important to me that everyone knows that she is included in my list of extraordinary women.

My Very Own Gayle King

Last night, I watched Barbara Walters interview Oprah. When Oprah started to describe her friendship with Gayle King, she cried. Because Gayle is such a wonderful friend to Oprah. Because Gayle is the friend that Oprah wishes everyone could have. I was moved. I thought of my very best friend of all time, Lisa. She is the kind of friend that everyone should have!

Lisa wrote on facebook last night: Sigh.

My friend was feeling a little down. I wanted to cheer her up. I wanted to let her know how much I respect and value our friendship. I replied.

Me:  I was just thinking about you. I have decided that you're my Gayle King.

Then my very best friend wrote me an email and said, "OMG now you think your OPRAH??". Not "Wow. I think you're pretty special, too". Not even "Thanks!". Instead, she laughed at me. So I went back to facebook and continued to comment...

Me: Or my Ethel. Or my Tom Sawyer. Or my Ron Weasley. My Baloo! Naw, just kidding, you're my Gayle King...

Lisa:  LMAO...lets get one thing straight...I am not Gayle...I am so more LUCY than you....might I remind you of who went in the kids giant bin of balls to retrieve a child that was not mine...and Ron....RON....I am soooooo Hermione...btw did you see the last one?? And do not get me started on DISNEY...lol...I am more of a Belle, but if we are doing the Jungle book than let's say I'm Bageera, although I would love to be as care free as Baloo or right now I am probably as insane as King Louie... I shall agree to be Laverne to your Shirley or a Krissy to your Janet but GAYLE...REALLY!!

Me:  YOU are Lucy? Ummm...do I have to remind you about the strangers having the picnic in the park, quickly followed by the Oreos in the grocery store? Also, you're not loud enough to be Lucy. Ummm...no, I didn't see the last Harry Potter. But ...Harry and Ron are tight. Hermione, not so much. I am trying to show how CLOSE we are. This isn't really "Guess Which Literary Character Most Represents Lisa". Belle, really? How come you ended up with Gaston?! Bageera. Ha! I can just picture you singing into the phone "Look for the bare necessities...forget about your worries and your strifes". But, in the end, you are the epitome of Gayle freakin' King. I hate Laverne and Shirley. Who are Krissy and Janet? OH! OH! OH! You can be the Blair to my Jo!

Lisa: How DID I end up with Gaston?? Well on the upside that means my BEAST is out there somewhere...so I should stay optimistic...lol...BUT GAYLE??? I could be Kate...

Me:  ‎...well then I'm your Allie.

Lisa:  Deal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Most people would stop here. We've had a little laugh and found a suitable famous pair that we can emulate. But no...

Lisa:  Or I'm willing to do Brad to your George, but not GAYLE freakin KING

Me:  George?! He's old. Can I be Matt and you be Ben? That way, we are both GORGEOUS and rich and wicked smart with a whole lot of funny...

Lisa: Well I'd rather be Brad....or someone that at least gets to be with Brad but fine...for you I'll be BEN...

Again, we have decided on a couple, but it doesn't end there...

Me:  BTW, what's your problem with Gayle King? Oprah says she's the best thing since sliced bread and that everyone should have a friend like her. They went camping together. We could go camping... but I'm not sleeping in a tent. Nor will I be peeing in the bushes. Or cooking the dinner over a fire. Perhaps a spa would be more "us".

Lisa: Well I will agree....I am the best thing since sliced bread...LOL...I don't know...it's just weird...

Me: Ummm...have you noticed that this has kinda been me going on about how much I adore you...and not so much in return from you? Thanks, Buddy.

Lisa:  LMAO...I was wondering when you would stop and notice...I have been laughing since it started...And what do you mean nothing in return...I gave you me being BEN!!! LOL

Me: Big sacrifice. You just made yourself Sexiest Man of Some Year. That's like saying, "I'd be Bill Gates for you". What a hardship!

Me: OMG Gayle and Oprah are in Australia together!!! We could SOOOO do Australia! Do you think Gayle is on Twitter? Can you find out for me and I would totally follow her

Lisa: Fine you be OPRAH and buy me everything and take me everywhere...now that I think about it...this one sounds good...LOL

Me:  If I had Oprah's money, I would buy you whatever you wanted...but you have to be Johnny On The Spot and make sure you take care of things for me. Starting with, I never want to have to wait in a Tim Horton's drive-through again. X-Large French Vanilla with half coffee every morning at 6:30am, please

Lisa: It was the least I could do...and yes she has twitter...really all this time we should have been doing boss/assistant relationships

Me:  LMFAO

It's worth mentioning that Lisa and I became friends when I was the manager and she was my assistant. I enjoyed that. Lisa, not as much. Although, I would like the record to show that I was the very best boss that she has ever (or will ever) have! I was very good to her. Not so much to everyone else though...!

Lisa: Ya your ellen and I'm like that skinny dude in the short shorts that does everything she says

Me: LMFAO

Lisa: I knew you would know that guy...and yes he is AWESOME...like me....and Ashton Kutcher

Me: You could be Dax!

Lisa: LMFAO.....alright...for you I'd be Dax

Me: Gotta let you know, Dax, I can't keep up with commenting while emailing you and IM you. AHHH!

Yay, that's right. While forcing me to comment on her facebook page, Lisa was also bombarding me with emails and instant messages. And it was about midnight. She fried what was left of my brain!

Lisa:  and that is why I am the ASSISTANT! I multi task better!

Me: LMAO!  But try to remember, you are no longer allowed to delegate UP!

Lisa: Sorry still do...

Lisa really is my Gayle King, isn't she?

The End of The Line

I try hard to be a good mother, but I usually come up short. Or, more accurately, all my best plans are better in theory than in practice. And sometimes, I am just plain tired. But I do my best.

I have a lot of role models in my neighbourhood. There's Super Mom. The name says it all. She's the one who built a fence when she was nine months pregnant. She takes her three boys out every day so they can have rich and fulfilling lives. When things are slow, she'll take the boys outside for a game of road hockey. She doesn't sit on her front step and chat on the phone while her kids are playing. She actually plays with them! Pretty super, eh?

Then there's the Librarian. She goes for a jog every morning at 6am. I wave at her as she goes by. She rides her bike to work. She takes her kids to the local swimming pool, and walks there. She has beautiful gardens, and lovely ivy climbing up the side of her house. She probably serves her kids healthy meals. I really like her, but I don't measure up.

Emilie isn't perfect, but she tries to be. She has such a good heart, and loves children. All children. She dreams up wonderful games and crafts for the children. She has FOUR HOUR long birthday parties. She decorates the exterior AND the interior of her house for every holiday. How can I keep up with her?

Elise is more my speed. I like her a lot. Her house is attached to mine (we live in semis). Every couple of months, one of us will say "Can you hear us through the walls?". What we mean to say is "Can you hear me screaming at the children through the walls?". Well, that's what I mean to say. Elise is more relaxed when it comes to parenting than I am. She helps calm me down. She reassures me that my little angels will survive elementary school (but has made no promises that I will). She has physically restrained me when Sarah was climbing a rock wall at the park, saying "Let her try. She can do it!". And I appreciate that.

As wonderful as all the ladies in my neighbourhood are, they are out of my league. I admire them, and they feel sorry for me (I'm sure!). They seem to do things sooooo much better than I do. For instance, I am quite sure that none of them have sprayed their smelly kids with Febreeze instead of giving them a bath. I only know one other person who may have.

That's right, I wouldn't be surprised if Lisa sprayed her kids with Febreeze.

Anyway, this morning, there was a light dusting of snow. My children wanted to play in it before we left for dance class at 9am. I thought, "Here's my chance to shine!". Dan and I got all the kids fed, dressed, and outside, with plenty of time for play...and for pictures!

I must confess, I was pleased with myself. I was pleased that I took the kids out. I was pleased that (for once!) I had snow boots before the snow fell. For once, I got to be Super Mum! And it totally does not detract from my superness that I lied to the children and told them that the snow was the wrong type for making snowmen.

On the way to dance class, we drove past the Librarian's house. She was out with her kids. They had already built two snowmen. She was smiling at her children. Sigh. I returned to my rightful position at the bottom of the heap.

This afternoon, I emailed Lisa a couple of the snaps I took of the kids out in the snow and carving pumpkins. This was her response:

These pictures are priceless...

We are also just carving the pumpkins now...however the kids are acting up, the sink pipe in the kitchen broke and flooded my kitchen...no one is dressed for the day, we are just finishing brunch (late because of the flood) and we are expecting one of Trystan's school friends to go trick or treating with...oh did I mention that Kelly borrowed my vacuum and hasn't returned it yet so my floors are also filthy gross...not exactly a day for pictures over here...just sent the kids to their room to play; hopefully, Kelly will return the vacuum soon and I am just about to clean...all in all a very crappy stat to my favorite holiday...this year sucks...I hope tonight is better but I do not anticipate it will be...lets hope I at least get pictures...haven't had Halloween pics since Trystan was 3! *gasp*


Great pics though...hope the girls enjoy trick or treating

And that is why she's my best friend. She and I, together, are here at the back. Snickering.

The Congo

Let me introduce you to Cara. I met her years ago. We hit it off. She made me laugh. She cheered me up. She made my life better. Just by knowing her. Cara is one of those ladies who is just...good. She's kind, and sweet, and compassionate. She focuses her love and attention of everybody else. Particularly children. Any child. Every child. I can only think of one fault, and it's a biggie. She lives in Calgary. I have nothing against Calgary, other than it's too damn far away from me. I miss my friend.

Cara and her husband, Alistair, have three children. The first two are close together in age. Shockingly close. They are blond hair, blue eyed beauties. Full of laughter and fun and mischief. Her third child currently resides in the Congo. Adoption is a long, and heartbreaking, and excruciating, and expensive process. Cara can practically feel this baby in her arms...yet he is still way too far away.

The Congo is a Hell on Earth. Especially for children. It no longer matters who is fighting, and why they are fighting. The focus is (or should be) on how they are fighting. Rape has become a weapon. The raping of women, of girls, and of babies. Both male and female babies.

The raping of women is used to instill fear. And pain. And shame. It is used as a method of control. As violence. As a means to dehumanize the civilians. The raping of children and babies is cruel, unforgivable, sinful.

When Life's pressures overwhelm me, I always say to myself "There is a woman my age in the Congo would give her eye teeth to swap positions with me". Because my babies are safe. Are clean. Are fed. Are happy. My babies have never had to hide at night. My babies have never had to watch their mother being beaten and raped and humiliated. My babies have never had to starve. Because they were blessed enough to be born white, middle class, and in Canada. And that is the only thing that differentiates them from children in the Congo.

Cara's child is in the midst of all this horror. She longs to have her baby home. Safe at night. Belly full. And tucked into his little bed. There are a lot of obstacles. And delays. Her heart often takes a beating. And she carries on. Taking care of her older children. Hoping that her baby will soon be home.

What frustrates me is the cost involved. Here is a beautiful, happy family who has reached out their arms and opened their home to a baby whose life would otherwise be short and bleak. They are eager to accept him, to love him, to enroll him in Gymboree and other fun activities. They will help him with his homework, ensure that he gets a good education, and pay for him to go to university. They will take him to the doctor's, hold him close when he's sick, and cuddle him when his heart has been broken. But Cara cannot afford the fees involved. I do not know of any family that could. The fees are enormous.

My friend, who has reached out to help a stranger in a strange land, is asking for our help. She is not asking for the thousands and thousands of dollars that she needs. She is asking that we look through a collection of eco-friendly products to see if there is anything we'd like. For ourselves. For others (especially as Christmas will soon be here!). In purchasing from this link, we will be helping a small child who, until now, has had very little reason to hope for a happy future.

If we can all help out a little, what a tremendous difference that would make!

https://www.onlygreen.com/steadadoption/

Cara (or "Cams" as I will always think of you!), you are a good person and deserve good things. Your baby will come home. Soon, hopefully. Keep your head up. Hold onto your Faith in the goodness of others. Behind you stand countless friends, family and strangers, cheering you on. I'm there, too, with my pom poms in hand waiting breathlessly for an updated family picture. With all five of you in it!