Richer Than God

Monday at 4pm, I lost my mind. After 5 years of turning myself inside out to accommodate, please, and delight my family, I threw my hands in the air and shouted "Enough!". I sat down on the couch and watched TV. Dinner waited, the children waited, and Dan waited...while I watched Oprah.

But I didn't really watch it because I was angry. I was angry that Dan got a lovely week long vacation in the Bahamas and then come home and had a four hour nap. I was angry that the children wanted to throw a Welcome Home Party for the man who had been living it up on Paradise Island! I was angry that I had to go out and buy party decorations, as well as having to make home-made pizza and a multi-coloured cake. I was angry because the people that I love dearly refused  to help me. They were too busy telling me that I wasn't doing a good enough job.

Oprah was meant to distract me. She was going on about finding a sister she had never known. This sister was put up for adoption at birth but tracked her family down as an adult.

The twinnies decided to talk. Big, huge, exaggerated SIGH!

Katie wanted to know what "adoption" meant. I explained adoption was when parents give away their children, and other people love and take care of those children. Katie was horrified. I explained that most people who had to give up their children did so because they couldn't afford to take care of them, and that they loved their children so much that they found new parents who would give them an excellent life. Now BE QUIET!

Bethie thought the command for silence was meant solely for Katie. She asked "Do you have enough money to take care of us?". I reassured the child that her father and I could, in fact, take care of our children. We dropped the subject.

At one point, the long lost sister said something like "I just knew that God would help me find my mother. He would show me a sign.". Well, this caught Bethie's attention. She was glued to the TV. She couldn't wait to see what God was going to do!

While Bethie was waiting for God's debut on TV, she asked "Why is God poor?".

Huh? Where did this come from? I explained to the child that God is not "poor".

Bethie responded, "Then how come He gave us to you?".

I wanted to tell her that God gave me children because I must have been a very wicked child, and the children were (obviously) my punishment. But that wouldn't do. Also, it wouldn't have been true. I was a delightful child. Instead, I replied, "Ummm...because I'm richer than God". Because that was equally amusing to me, and far less upsetting to the children. Win, win.

After 45 minutes, I got tired of watching Oprah and felt compelled to make dinner. I changed the channel back to Treehouse. Bethie asked me if she could finish watching Oprah because she was "waiting for a sign from God". Because God communicates to the masses through...OPRAH! Turns out that it was both an "Ah ha" and a "ha ha" moment for me!

Toilet Tag

As a little girl, I loved recess. I used to jump rope, play hopscotch, sing little songs with my classmates, and play Freeze Tag. Ahhh, the good 'ol days....

My twinnies are in kindergarten. When the school year began, they loved recess. In fact, when we asked about their day at school, they would only mention the games they played while outside with their classmates. We would get blank stares when we asked, "But what did you learn today?".

Things started changing a couple of weeks ago. Bethie stopped playing with her classmates at recess. When I tried to find out why, she said that she didn't want to play with her class because they would play "inappropriate" games (yup, that's how my kids speak. Sigh). When pressed, she told me about Toilet Tag.

Here's how to play: One person is "It". This child tries to tag as many children as possible. "When a player is tagged, he/she must assume a toilet position (one knee on the ground and the other knee up, one arm straight out to the side).  The tagged player must remain frozen in this position until they are rescued by another player.  To be rescued, a player must sit on the knee of the frozen player, grab their straight arm and make a WHOOSH sound while pulling the arm down to simulate the flushing of a commode.  Once a player flushes the toilet of a frozen player, the frozen player is freed." (Mr. Gym).

I was horrified to learn that the children play this in the school yard. This is a disgusting and scatological game! I was proud of my daughter. She had decided that she didn't want to be used as a "toilet" and did not want children to pretend to urinate and defecate on her. At age 5, she stood up to the crowd. What a strong and proud daughter I have!

There were other problems for Bethie at school, so I wrote a note and asked to speak with the teacher. Yesterday, Miss N and I sat down and talked about the issues that Bethie faces in school. When we came to the games of Toilet Tag being played in the school yard, Miss N said "I think that may be my fault. I taught the children to play this in gym class".

I was, truly, speechless. I was shocked. Miss N is about my age. She's a mother. She's an experienced teacher. How is it that she and I have such vastly different views on the appropriateness of this game?

In my shock-induced silence, all I kept thinking was that this is a "Tribes School". This means that there is a super heavy focus on the "four agreements": Mutual Respect, Listening, Appreciation, and Participation. How can the school foster "mutual respect" when asking the children to pretend to be toilets?
We kinda glossed over the whole Toilet Tag because we moved onto matters that I thought to be more serious. But it haunted me. Am I being a prude? Am I so out-of-touch? Should I just keep my mouth shout?

I don't know what to do. I am at a loss. If any of you have any thoughts about Toilet Tag, please let me know.

The Old Pro

Dan, Andre, and I were in the kitchen talking about how much money the Tooth Fairy brings. Andre was shocked by the 10 quarters the twins received, especially because Bethie didn't even lose a tooth. I explained to Andre that the money from the Tooth Fairy goes back into the piggy bank under the pretense that the children have to save for their university education (yeah, I'm fun like that!), and then it gets recycled for the next go 'round.

Bethie came into the kitchen and asked if we were talking about the second tooth that Katie lost. I explained to my confused little cherub that Katie has only lost one tooth. Katie rushed into the kitchen and said that she has lost two teeth! I looked into her mouth and, sure enough, another tooth was missing.

Ta da:

Did I react calmly to this news? Not so much! I absolutely freaked out. One tooth falling out is fine. The twins are at that age. But two teeth within days of each other? That's too much! I was convinced that Katie had suffered some sort of trauma to her face. Or perhaps she had gum disease (although she reassured me that she didn't because she doesn't chew gum). I was desperate to call the dentist before another tooth fell out.

Dan was laughing, which I didn't find very helpful. He asked, "What are you going to say to the dentist? My five year old had a loose tooth and then it fell out?". Ummm...yeah! When I was a kid, I remember that I would get a loose tooth and would have to wiggle it forever before it came out. And they never just fell out of my mouth like leaves falling from a tree!

I called Mum. She didn't seem too concerned, which irritated me. No one seemed to understand that it was possible for the children to have their teeth fall out for entirely different reasons. No one else seemed to consider that this problem should be nipped in the bud instead of waiting for Katie to lose all of her teeth. While on the phone with Mum, Dan said, "What are you going to do? Are you going to call a thousand parents of five year old children and asked them if this is normal?". That hadn't occurred to me. But it was a good idea. I didn't need to call "a thousand" parents, just one.

I called Lisa. Who, though laughing hysterically, was very sympathetic. She asked, "Did I ever tell you about the time Trystan lost his first tooth?". No, she hadn't. Lisa has lots of helpful little stories that she keeps tucked away and doesn't tell me until after I have gone crazy. Lisa enjoys the crazy.

Anyway, the story goes that Trystan lost his first tooth one night after his bath. Lisa was slightly annoyed because she didn't have any change in her purse. She raced downstairs, called her husband, and told him to stop at the bank on his way home from work. She did a quick look around, and found enough change for the Tooth Fairy. So, she called her husband back and told him that he could skip the bank. Lisa then went back upstairs, and Trystan produced a second tooth! Did Lisa panic? Did she worry that her little angel was going to lose every tooth he had in the next 10 minutes? Did she check for gum disease or trauma? No. She was very annoyed. She didn't have enough change on hand for two teeth! She had to call her husband, once again, and instruct him to go to the bank.

Lessons learned:

1. Dan is not very helpful in a crisis situation,
2. No matter how upsetting a situation is, Lisa has already lived through it, and kept it a secret. She is like a vault of parenting information that only opens when asked direct questions!

Now, here's the worst bit: I checked Bethie's teeth, and she has a lose tooth. Ahhh! Why does everything happen at once?! The stress is unbelievable!

Here's a snap of Bethie with all of her teeth:

Hopefully, she will be good enough not to lose her teeth in rapid secession.