Tuesday, October 6

The Digestive Process of Our Children

The digestive process of our girls begins with me lovingly preparing a healthy meal for my children. Dan insists that every meal have "a carb, a veg, and a meat". These items are beautifully arranged on plates, and presented to my little ones.

The partial breakdown of the food begins at this point. Some of the food flies through the air as they heave their plates away from where they are sitting. Some of the food is placed directly on the table with the announcement that it is too disgusting to go down their precious little throats. Most of the food is smeared directly onto the glass table. Very little of it is eaten.

From the table top, the food then proceeds to the floor. Here it will remain for varying amounts of time. It is at this point that "muscle group" (aka our little angels) is introduced. These rogue muscles scatter the fallen food across the entire kitchen. The three muscles then churn, squash, stomp on, and grind the food into the linoleum. After approximately 15 minutes, the mushed up food hardens like granite.

Chemical agents, such as Lysol and Mr. Clean, are then introduced. These chemicals help to further break down the food. However, Lysol alone won't do the job! It requires a whole lot of "elbow grease". For particularly difficult bits, threatening and yelling will motivate the muscle group to cease and desist from the further speading of the food. But not always.

The digestive process ends with the "processed" food being scooped up and tossed into the garbage. The most obvious sign that dinner is over occurs when I freak out. I swear up and down that the following evening I am going to cook the dinner and then throw it in the garbage, thus bypassing the entire digestive system and saving myself the grief.

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