I used to be smart. Honestly! I used to be a lot of things. Then I had children, and everything changed. However, I miss being smart.
I try to keep up with current events. For instance, I check TMZ everyday! Kidding. Well, no, I guess I'm not, but I check out newspapers, too, and I have Anderson Cooper tweeting me ALL THE TIME! And I read. A lot. I just finished "A Thousand Sisters" by Lisa Shannon (you should read it, too!).
So, maybe I'm not as clever as I used to be, but I am trying. I, now, realize that all my efforts are in vain. Why? Because regardless of how many books I read, or how well versed I am in world politics, my children think I'm stupid. Because I have demonstrated this over and over again.
Here's the latest:
On Sunday, I was very busy (okay, I was writing snarky comments to my brother on Facebook...and I was on a roll!) and not really paying attention to the children. Sarah came up to me and asked for some popcorn. If I hadn't been so engrossed in my own humorous online musings, I would have suggested something else. But I took 2.75 seconds and filled a Tinkerbell bowl up with popcorn for the baby.
After a moment or so, she requested a spoon. Okay, whatever. I handed the child a spoon. I went back to Facebook, reading aloud to Dan all my witty comments that I knew would irritate my brother.
Again, Sarah interrupted me. AHHHHH! Can't she see that I am busy? Now she wanted milk on her popcorn (kinda like cereal). Dan told me that I was not to put milk on her popcorn. Umm...seems to me that Dan has done worse than this to accommodate this child (I am not going to publicly state what the baby has demanded of Dan and what he has done to please her...you know what I'm talking about Dan!... but if everyone else must know, email me). So, I got the milk and poured it over the bowl of popcorn.
To tell you the truth, I was a little bit pleased. I was pleased because it annoyed Dan. I was pleased because my baby knows what she wants and demands it. And I was pleased that Sarah was finally happy and I could return to Facebook and not be interrupted again.
Thirty seconds go by, and Sarah starts screaming for me. I shout back, "Are you kidding me, kid? There are TWO adults here. Shout for your father!". No, no. Daddy would not do because Daddy is not an idiot, according to my 2 year old. She shouted at me, "I said Corn Pops, NOT popcorn!!!".
Sarah was ticked off! It was never her intention to have a bowl of milk-drenched popcorn. She simply wanted a bowl of cereal, and her mother responded to her requested by morphing into some sort of batty bonehead.
To add insult to injury, I was laughing hysterically while scooping the milk-soaked popcorn out of the bowl and replacing it with Corn Pops. Sarah was not not amused. But we all know that this was not her first encounter with her befuddled mother. And it surely won't be her last. Because I stopped being smart the day the children were born!