Five

The twins turned 5 yesterday. It broke my heart.

I remember when they were just a couple of weeks old. Dan and I talked excitedly about when they would turn 5 and how wonderful it would be. They would be more independent. They wouldn't have constant demands on our time and energy. We would have space to breathe.

That same "space" that we craved is killing me. In a week, they start school. The two of them will climb up the steps of a big, yellow school bus and disappear down the road. And I won't be with them. I won't be "in charge". I won't be there to protect them.

The gates to their future have been opened. I am excited for them. I also wish I could turn back time. Just a little bit.