Monday, January 17

The Postman Cometh

Bethie is a pensive child. She lies in her bed at night and sorts things out. Unfortunately, she's only five years old and things get muddled in her little head. Then I have to endure bizarre conversations with her.

I was driving in the car with the three girls. Bethie started talking about a girl in her class whose mother had died. Bethie was certain that the woman died in church. Not wanting Bethie to think that people walk through church doors and are actually struck down by God, I explained that the mother had probably died elsewhere and had her funeral in the church. After much debate, Bethie agreed that the scenario I presented is possible, but not necessarily what had happened. Sigh.

Then Bethie said to me, "Do people bump into each other a lot in Heaven?".

Me: No. Heaven is really big. There's enough room for people to move without bumping into each other.

Bethie: But they are walking around in cardboard boxes. They must bump into each other.

After further inquiry, I realised that Bethie thought that people were buried in cardboard boxes. I explained that people are buried in coffins. Made out of wood. Not the boxes that toilet paper is delivered in. Once dead people get to Heaven, God opens up the coffins and lets everyone out.

Bethie: How do the coffins get to Heaven?

Ummm...I didn't know what to say. I did my best. Okay, I didn't "do my best", I did the very minimum that was required of me (ie I answered her question).

Me: The postman delivers them to Heaven.

This made complete sense to Bethie. The postman delivers Christmas cards to our house and dead people to Heaven. I chuckled to myself, and I thought we were done. Not so much.

Bethie: Is everyone in Heaven super duper old?

Me: No. You get to pick what age you want to be. If you are super duper old when you die, you can chose to be younger.

Bethie: I'm going to chose to be 5.

Katie: I was going to chose to be 5, but what if 6 is better?

Bethie: If Jesus and Katie chose to be 5, I want to be 5, too. But if Katie is 6 and Jesus is 5 then I don't know how old I want to be. How old is Jesus in Heaven?

Me: Jesus chose to be 32.

Bethie: How do you know?

Ummm...again, I have nothing. I just want to end the conversation.

Me: Because the postman told me.

We arrived at our destination and the conversation ended. However, it lives on in Bethie's head. She told me that she wanted to ask my parents "How old are you going to be when you die?". AHHHH! That will not go over well...


3LittleMonkeys said...

That is just too cute! I love your "postman" answer. I would have been "duh.....duh.....duh....."

Gwen said...

My main "issue" with... well... everything is that I tend to say things with the purpose of amusing myself. I had a good laugh over the whole "postman" thing. And, truthfully, I have a good laugh at most of my Life's Explanations. Poor kiddies.

Ironic Mom said...

I love your postman answer. It's a classic!

Anonymous said...

I would give your postman fair warning though. Next time, the girls see him, he is about to be bombarded with questions lol

Gwen said...

LOL! I hadn't even thought of that! Can you imagine what they would say to the postman?! And it's really hard to pretend that they are not your kids when you're standing in front of your house! But my postman doesn't like me...we had an "incident" during the summer of 2009. Sigh.

Lara said...

I can't wait to hear what happens when they start telling other people at school ;)

I really should start making crazy stuff up instead of yelling "OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, Just BECAUSE!" or "I DONT KNOW!"

Gwen said...

Yeah, go ahead and make things up. It's wicked funny!