Friday, January 7

Winning The Lotto

I daydream about winning the lottery. I've decided that I need millions and millions of dollars in order to be happy. Actually, about $65 million should do it. This isn't an arbitrary number. I've given it a great deal of thought and realised that I am an expensive woman to maintain (in the style in which I would like to grow accustomed).

The first thing I would do if I won the lottery would be to buy a new house. A big one. Painted yellow. Not a soft pastel yellow. An OMG What The Hell Is THAT yellow (I believe that is actually the name of the paint colour I want). Because nothing pleases me more than shocking my parents. They never see it coming!

I would then go to the grocery store. I would buy whatever we needed. Not the cheapo stuff either. I would buy name brands. I would buy all the ingredients that I needed, not just most of them. I might even start looking at recipe books again. You know, the ones that are entitled "Healthy Eating" but if you buy everything needed for the recipes, you couldn't afford to pay the mortgage (yeah, I'm looking at you Jamie "local grocery shop" does not stock "fresh" and "affordable" truffles!!!).

Then, Dan and I would go to Costco. We would take two cars. I intend to stock up. I still wouldn't buy the massive bottles of salad dressing or ketchup, but I would be coming home with massive amounts of paper towel, meat, and laundry soap. This would thrill me!

Directly after Dan unloads the cars filled with all things Costco, I will be looking for a maid. She can deal with this:

(yup, that's Dan lying in the rubble. Guess he gave up!)

(Bethie's "25 Days of January". She said she would take one clothes pin off every day in this a normal response to the "25 Days of Christmas"????)

While online, I would search for a full-time nanny. Her only qualifications would be that she is available immediately. She can deal with this:

(A little bit of "tough love" from Sarah...I warned Bethie that Sarah would get bigger!)

(Twinnies getting fancy the night before I took them to Mum's office so I could show off my beautiful babies. Sigh)

(Bethie decided that she needed to be in a cocoon. Nothing I would say convinced her that she was really stretching the Hell out of my pillow case - which she took off my bed!!!)

Once in our new home, I would retreat to my "office". Not so much an office as a "quiet place that no one who resides in my home is allowed to enter. EVER.". This room would be sound-proof. The door handle would contain an electric current that would give a mild (because I love my husband and children) electric shock should anyone try to open the door. When all Hell breaks loose, I will scurry off to my "office" to do my "work" (ie read my book) while the maid and nanny deal with the chaos.

In order to make my dreams a reality, all I have to do now is get a job with the Ontario Gaming and Lottery Corporation so I can fix the lottery in my favour (oh, come on, this happens all the time!!!).


Double the Giggles said...

These photos are way too funny, but I wouldn't show them to any potential hires. You might scare them away (or make them increase what they charge!) If you do win, mind throwing a few bucks my way? A few million would be more than enough ;) Thanks in advance!

Alicia said...

Hilarious photos. I dream about winning the lottery too. I think you definitely deserve a Mom Cave.

Gwen said...

LOL! The photos are only funny AFTER the fact!