Sunday, June 20

The Renters

Have you been dying to know what is going on around the 'Hood? Here's an update, taken directly from my inbox.

To: Lisa
From: Me

Update from the 'hood:

The Murdered Lady, her live-in, and her live-in's 2 pre-teen sons have moved out. She put up a "For Rent" sign in her "garden" (is it a garden if there are no plants, just a mound of dirt?), and a week later, the sign came down.

The Renters have just arrived. From my hunched position on my couch, I have only spied the Female Renter. She's about 25. I think she's pregnant, or needs to buy a more flattering wardrobe. I'm gonna go with pregnant.

I am very relieved. Life became a bit ...awkward... when Nick and Tracy rented to The Wife Beater. Who wants to sit out front and watch that? Then they rented to the Shut-Ins. I suspect that they have children, but never let them outside.

When the Mail Order Bride moved out about 2 weeks ago, the new owners (sorry, no name yet) started having parties. Long parties. They were obviously friends with people who lived way down the street. I know this because I saw one guy walking down the street carrying a 24 pack of beer on his shoulder. Dan called me snobby and judgemental when I said, "Great. The neighbourhood is going to Hell. No one has any class". But, COME ON! I'm guessing that the No-Name New Owners lived down the street too. No need to hire a moving truck. They seemingly walked their treasures to their new home. Classy. Or economical, as Dan would say.

Anyway, back to The Renters. I am already annoyed with the Female Renter. I have to get Sarah up out of bed in 10 minutes and the Female Renter still hasn't opened the back of her truck! I want to have a look! All I can see is an unidentified arm hanging outside the passenger side of the U-Haul. I'm dying to see what will happen next!


PS I know, I know. I need a life.
PPS What I don't need is cable because this is freakin' awesome!
To: Me
From: Lisa
Would it have been better if he carried a box of wine? the burbs need to see this movie
To: Lisa
From: Me
No. It would have been better if he drove his car like a normal person. Is that too much to ask? I'm all for (other people) walking, but not hauling their booze as they do so!

I will rent The Burbs. Sometime. If I can pry myself away from the window!


Some new information has come up since Lisa and I exchanged emails: Female Renter isn't pregnant (oops!). The Shut-Ins went for a walk the other night and it was revelled that they have four(!) children, ranging from newborn to about 7 years old. Lastly, but the worse bit of news, The Boat People (not to be confused with Banana Boat Man) have put up a FOR SALE sign on their front lawn! This adds a lot of stress to my life. Now, I have to make sure I am available to scope out all the people who want to check out this house. Good thing I have nothing to do that would distract me from this mission!


Lisa D said...

Seriously...THE BURBS....

Gwen said...

I met a couple who put an offer on the latest house that's for sale. We need to talk!