I went out the other night. Sans enfants. I do this about once a week. No special reason why, except that my husband and my children are bound and determined to drive me crazy. So, once a week, after the children have gone to bed, I go out. I have a couple of laughs, and I come home relaxed.
The last time I went out, Dan and I were talking during dinner about where I was going. The twins were very interested. I did not want to tell them what my plans were for the evening. They would demand to come, too. But they insisted on knowing. So, I told them that I was going "O-U-T". The little devils sounded that out. Thanks oh so much, Miss Kindergarten Teacher, for teaching my children that letters, once combined, spell words. Now, I am screwed.
I used to say things to Dan in French when I didn't want the children to know what I was talking about. For instance, I would say, "Would you like any creme glacee after the children are in bed?". But Emilie ruined this for me by teaching the children French. They now speak more French than I do.
Then Dan and I started to spelling out words. I find this less satisfying because Dan sucks at it. I would say, "Let's go have P-I-Z-Z-A for dinner". Dan would reply, "P-I-Z-Z-A? Pizza? You want pizza for dinner?". Way to keep it a secret, 007! So, not only do the children know that I am contemplating having a pizza (and start begging like starving children) but now he has taught them how to spell "pizza". This is not good. Because the next time I want a pizza, I have to describe it in a way that Dan knows what I am talking about, but the children don't. I have to resort to, "Remember that place we went to for dinner 11 years ago when we lived in Korea? It had a red exterior, and we went with Gina and Paul? I want what we had that night for dinner tonight". To which Dan replies, "Pizza?". Sigh.
Anyway... I refused to tell the children where I was going. I put the twins to bed, and then I left. But that wasn't the end of the twins for the night. Dan was summoned back into their room. Bethie wanted to know where I had gone. Dan said, "I don't know. Mummy wouldn't tell me.". Bethie accepted this (although it was entirely untrue. Dan knew exactly where I was).
Bethie was concerned. She wondered who was "in charge" when I was away? Dan informed her that he was in charge. That led into her concern about her toys. You see, she and Katie had left their toys all over the floor in the living room. When I am home, I tell them that if I have to clean their toys, I will throw them out. Bethie wanted to know if Dan, like me, was going to throw their toys out. Dan smiled lovingly at Bethie, and reassured her that he was the hero who would pick up all of the toys before the wicked witch got home.
Bethie relaxed. She said to Dan, "Okay, you can be the boss...but only until Mummy gets home". Yup, that's right. The "hero" would do in a pinch, but not on a permanent basis. The wicked witch must have some redeeming characteristics after all!