Wednesday, September 8

How I Have Failed My Children...Today

At 11:15am, my children nominated me for "The Crappiest Mother of the Day" award. I was honoured. Although the nomination is fairly routine, it typically doesn't occur until about 5pm. I must confess, I did try extra special hard today to deserve this award. And I am super pleased that my efforts have been recognized!

I couldn't have done this all by myself. I would first like to thank Huggies for making Pull Ups that leak throughout the night. It's a joy to start the day off with a urine soaked bed and child. Sarah - thank you for punching me, it really did help me focus on finding your Uppsy Daisy Doll. Bethie - thank you for screaming at me for waking you up, and again for asking you to get dressed, and again when I tried to brush your hair. Thank you for spitting the cough medicine back in my face, thereby giving me an "excuse" to start getting angry. Katie - this award wouldn't be possible without you, thank you for chastising me for giving you fruit juice instead of vegetable juice (weird, eh?). Thank you for calling me an idiot because I spelled your name "Katie" instead of "KD". Thank you for throwing your umbrella at me and DEMANDING that I "erase" your name written with permanent marker because I spelled it incorrectly.

However, my biggest thanks must go to the school. Thank you ever so much for inviting the parents to the assembly (I was the only parent there). Thank you for dreaming up a Summer Reading Contest for the entire school, and not mentioning that the new kindergarten students are meant to participate despite 1) not being able to read, and 2) not being students of the school yet. Thank you for handing out prizes to all of the students who had parents smart enough to participate in this contest. Thank you for excluding those children whose parents didn't realise the contest was applicable to their non-reading, non-student children (ie. my twins). Thank you for the looks of annoyance when my children sobbed because they didn't get a prize, despite having read during the summer. And a special thanks to that teacher who reassured me that maybe I could participate next summer. That was perfect.

And thank you, Mum. For laughing. For making me laugh at myself. For the warning. For the "heads up" that my children are going to think that I am a complete failure. For your stubborn refusal to believe that I am "The Crappiest Mother of The Day" despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary!

2 comments: said...

Would this speech have been longer if the band had not played and the model ushered you off stage?

Gwen said...

Yup! You know me too well! I did feel that I was going on a bit and I should just stick to the "big issues". Since you are privy to every thought that enters my brain (lucky you!), you know the depth and scope of ALL my school related frustrations! It ain't pretty.