That Mother

I'm normal. Not average. Normal. Sure, I have my own special little "nuances", but nothing that's very dramatic or "out there". I am definitely not a Type A or a psycho control freak. I'm pretty normal. Except for my "Mama Bear Syndrome" (don't come between me and my cubs or I will attack, whether an attack is warranted or not) and my small issue with authority.

Keeping these "nuances" in mind, can you think of one situation that would antagonize my Mama Bear Syndrome and my issues with authority? Yup, sending my children to school. Four days in, I have turned into that mother. You know the one, we all hate her. We all think that she should relax and get a life. Clearly, she has nothing better to do than to irritate the teacher, the principal, and every other parent of a child attending the same school as her little angels.

In my defence, the school is antagonizing me. Here are my grievances:

1. On the first day of school, my children were kidnapped and relocated to an undisclosed location (Dan gets annoyed when I say this, considering they were only sent to daycare instead of home on the bus, but Dan married me knowing full well that I do go on a bit!)
2. The teacher wouldn't call the twins "Bethie" and "Katie" because she preferred "Elizabeth" and "Katherine". This drove me wild!!! (However, I must give credit where credit is due, and the teacher did see the wisdom in the little note I sent her, and has started referring to the twins as Katie and Bethie)
3. The school holds a fund-raising Pizza Day every second Friday. I have been given a list of healthy foods that I am not permitted to send to school because other children are allergic to them (which I respect and strictly adhere to because I know that those parents are as desperate as I would be in that same situation, and I would never dream of doing something that could hurt a child!). I have been told which containers to bring lunches in are acceptable and which ones are not. The school has also been kind enough (rolling my eyes) to send home a Canada Food Guide so I can learn which foods are appropriate to help them learn and grow. Yet, every second Friday, they have decided that serving pizza to children ages 5-8 (it's a small school) is a perfectly acceptable way to raise funds. I disagree.
4. The school is having an assembly about "Emergency Preparedness". Sound perfectly okay? Wrong! They will instruct the children what to do during a "Lock Out" (don't go into the school), a "Lock In" (don't go out of the school), and a "Lock Down" (quick, there's a gunman wandering the halls of the school, and the last one into a hiding spot loses!). Really? Is this necessary? Have Wandering Gunmen been a problem in our community? In our country? In kindergarten????? I believe that we should educate our children about what to do in scary situations. I do not believe that every scary situation should be discussed with small children, especially since it's not very probable.

So, I am that mother who freaks out when her children aren't on the bus. I am that mother who sends not one, but two notes to school within the first four days. I am that mother who sees the "evil-doing" in Pizza Day. And I am that mother who will be attending the kindergarten assembly on Emergency Preparedness. Sigh.

The worst bit? I just talked to Lisa, and she suggested that I let this "slide" because it's only going to get worse for me. She informed me that, at some point, the school is going to expect my little girls to go door to door selling stuff in order to raise funds for the school. I hung my head and said to Lisa, "I'm going to have to join the PTA, aren't I?". Lisa just laughed. She delights in my "nuances" because it makes her feel normal!